Zombie Apocalypse... A Current Event... Like Actually!

Remember that one time when we all thought that it would be really cool to have a zombie apocalypse?? I know I do, and boy do I feel foolish now. Recently there have been strange reporting’s of zombie-like attacks. 

Zombie Walk 2009 Photo by Katja Sarajeva & piak

Now don’t get me wrong. I would still love to have a zombie apocalypse, mainly due to Hollywood’s portrayal of it. In movies and television shows we have all the bad ass survivors shooting zombies in the head all the while running for their lives. They also glisten in the sun from all their perspiration and they have rippling abs. 

The reality of the situation is that those of us who dreamed of a zombie apocalypse would most likely be the first to go. We wouldn’t be the 15% that survive the attack; we would make up of the 85% of people that are now considered the walking dead. However, if you are lucky enough to be among the 15% of survivor, then you must remember the following tips to prepare for your future of inevitable death (tips courtesy of the movie Zombieland).

1. Cardio (pretty much if you out-run the slowest one you’re golden) 
2.  Beware of Bathrooms (worst way to go is when you’re going #2 )
3. Buckle Up (Just plain ol’ driving etiquette really)
4. Double tap (Better to be safe than sorry!)
5. Be quiet (Zombies are dead, not deaf)
6.  Don’t be a hero (This isn’t a movie, the hero doesn’t always live)
7.  Limber up (don’t want to pull a hammy right?)
8. Check the back seat (Nothing is worse than a zombie taking you from behind)

Being a survivor seems great right? WRONG.  If you do happen to be a survivor there are a few things that might be troubling for you to process. Such as the fact that you have to watch the people around you die (like your mommy and daddy). Another thing is your pets: What happens to little Sparky the dog and Mittens the kitten? Don’t worry about them, the movie Dawn of the Dead taught us that zombies don’t like little puppy brains… Cats… never mentioned them in the movie so I wouldn’t know. Instead, worry about how you are going to have to put down your parents when they chase you around wanting your brains and flesh instead of chasing you around to do your chores. 





Screenshot/ Heading by: Fiona Ho

Now, onto why this post is relevant to our daily lives. As I mentioned earlier, there have been reportings of zombie like attacks all around the United States. I don’t just mean regular boring old reports about stupid kids on drugs walking around aimlessly destroying things. When I say attack, I mean real blood and gores kind of attack. There is an article from The Sacramento Bee, dated May 30, 2012, that deals with exactly what I am talking about. A naked man on the MacArthur Causeway was attacking another man and eating his face. Despite the warnings that the police gave to the face eater, he just stood up and growled at them. Needless to say, the possible zombie was shot dead.

Speculations are that he was suffering from a “cocaine psychosis,” which is a drug induced craze that bakes the victim internally. Despite the fact that it could have been a drug related situation, it still doesn’t stop people from saying that it was the beginning of a zombie apocalypse. 

A few things to read and watch to prepare you for the possibility of a zombie apocalypse are listed below:

1. The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks
2.  World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War by Max Brooks
3. Zombieland
4. The Walking Dead  (comics and TV series)
5. Dawn of the Dead

I kind of hope that there is a zombie apocalypse at the same time I don't. Let me know in the comments below what you think about the article I linked as well as your thoughts on the possibility of a zombie apocalypse.